When I first joined my current team, I thought something was wrong.
The Slack channels were quiet. The video calls started right on time with barely any small talk. When I dropped random observations or light chatter into the conversation, I was often met with polite nods or brief smiles before we got back to business. I found myself wondering: Are they bored? Are they checked out? Are they waiting for me to carry this?
It turns out… no. They just don’t need the noise.
I work with an incredibly smart, professional team that approaches their work with quiet focus and intentionality. They use Slack with purpose—rarely for chatter, always for progress. They show up, do the work, ask thoughtful questions, and contribute meaningfully when it matters. When we get together for something fun, like a Zoom quizzo happy hour, they’re all in—playful, witty, and fully engaged. The silence isn’t disengagement. It’s just their rhythm.
But I had to learn that, and I had to unlearn some of my assumptions about what silence means on remote teams.
This is what I've learned: Silence isn’t always golden, but it isn’t always dangerous, either.
Sometimes silence is deep focus.
Sometimes it’s burnout.
Sometimes it’s thoughtful listening.
Sometimes it’s emotional disconnection.
The real problem is when we, as leaders, make assumptions about what silence means, especially in remote environments where we lose the easy context of body language, tone, and hallway conversations. When we misread quiet as disengaged (or worse, when we ignore quiet team members altogether), we risk eroding trust, creating unnecessary tension, and potentially losing great people.
What does healthy communication look like on remote teams?
One of the biggest mistakes remote leaders make is chasing constant noise. We confuse busyness for connection, and chatter for collaboration. But a quiet Slack or a low-key video call doesn’t mean your team is broken—it might just mean they’re working.
Healthy remote communication isn’t about non-stop updates or always being ‘on.’ It’s about creating an environment where people know when and how to contribute, where they feel safe to ask questions, and where purposeful engagement—not performative availability—is the norm.
In a healthy remote team:
- People know when and where to speak up.
- Questions get answered promptly.
- Collaboration happens intentionally.
- Team members feel seen and valued, even if they aren’t the loudest voices.
- Communication tools like Slack and Zoom are used purposefully, not performatively.
In my team’s case, Slack isn’t buzzing all day, and no one’s dropping memes in the middle of a project sprint. But when someone has a question, it’s answered. When someone has an update, it’s shared. And when someone suggests a better way to do something, we listen. The engagement is there, it’s just not always loud.
I’ve realized that I sometimes crave more chit-chat because I enjoy it. It makes me feel connected. That doesn’t mean it’s a universal need or that its absence signals a problem. Part of leading a remote team is recognizing that not everyone shares your communication style. And that's okay.
But healthy silence only works when you know how to spot when the silence is actually saying something else.
Signs of actual disengagement
Not all quiet is created equal. There’s a difference between thoughtful silence and checked-out silence. As leaders, we have to sharpen our ability to tell the difference.
It’s not about waiting for someone to say they’re disengaged; you’ll probably never hear those exact words. It’s about noticing patterns, changes, and the slow fade that can happen when someone loses interest, energy, or trust.
Here’s what that might look like:
- Delayed responses without explanation. Everyone’s busy, but habitual delays—especially when the urgency is apparent—can be a red flag.
- Minimal contribution over time. Not every meeting needs everyone to speak, but if someone consistently holds back, it’s worth exploring.
- Pulling away from collaboration. When people stop offering ideas, asking questions, or volunteering for projects, you may lose their interest.
- Missed deadlines or incomplete work. A sharp drop in reliability usually signals a deeper issue.
- Emotional flatness. If someone who was once expressive now seems detached or apathetic, pay attention.
Silence by itself isn’t disengagement. But silence plus distance, silence plus missed commitments, silence plus emotional withdrawal? That’s where you need to lean in.
And when you see these signs, the question becomes: How do you check in without making things worse?
How to check in without micromanaging
When we see someone pulling back, our instinct is often to lean harder—to get in their Slack DMs, to schedule more check-ins, to start hovering. That’s not connection. That’s control.
The goal isn’t to smother people with your worry—it’s to create the right space for them to be honest with you.
Try this instead:
- Normalize proactive check-ins. Build regular 1:1s where people can speak openly without fear of judgment. Make it a habit, not a reaction.
- Ask open-ended questions. Instead of “Are you good?” ask “What’s working well for you this week?” or “Where could you use more support right now?”
- Respect different work styles. Some people need space to think, while others thrive on quick feedback loops. Learn what works for each person.
- Don’t confuse busyness with engagement. Some of your most ‘visible’ employees might actually be the least engaged. Some of your quietest might be your most dedicated.
- Be transparent about your observations. If you’re worried someone’s checking out, tell them what you’re seeing. “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter than usual—how are you feeling about things?” That’s not micromanaging. That’s leadership.
Most of all, don’t let silence build a wall between you and your team. The longer you wait, the harder it is to climb over.
When you check in early, you’re not just preventing disengagement—you’re building trust. You’re sending the message: I see you. You matter here. And I want to make sure you’re okay.
That’s the kind of leadership that makes people stick around—even when they’re quiet.
T L ; D R - Silence on remote teams isn’t always a problem, but ignoring it can be.
Sometimes quiet means focus. Sometimes it means burnout. Your job is to know the difference.
When you assume silence = disengagement, you risk losing good people.
When you presume silence = everything’s fine, you risk missing the chance to help.
The solution? Stop guessing. Start asking.
